There is always a gap between what we have been called to and what we have personally known.
Those empowered to heal others often deal with unhealed disease themselves.
Those anointed to speak encouragements may often be disheartened.
Those living out the heart of God cannot always find him themselves.
This, is really normal and part of the privilege of walking with the Lord, that we can be conduits of grace and bounty by way of faith and simple service – it doesn’t depend on us.