It’s going to be okay. Even though many things are not okay, everything is okay. You are going to go through some rough times but you will come through with joy and peace. God will do this in and through you.
There will be good and bad and good and bad. But in the end the good won’t seem so good and the bad won’t seem so bad. Even though the bad will have been very bad, it will not retain its voice over you. And even though the good will be good, it too merely becomes part of a greater weave over your life.
God is the great equalizer between these things. The good we cannot lay a foundation on any more than we wouldn’t lay a foundation on the bad. What you will find, is that in Christ all these things are small markers of a life lived. Like stones at the edge of a riverbank, some beautiful and others dull, all of them, each one in turn, absorb the warmth from the sun and make a great spot to sit and to walk and to rest on any given day.
Do not discount any part of your journey. Every experience, every gladness, every sadness, every success and every disastrous failure are like pearls strung on the cord of your life. So, experience it all, drink in each thing, celebrate and weep, clean old closets and pull out the moth-eaten discards, open windows and allow the fresh light and breeze come through. Do not be afraid to live.
Because, I see, that you are afraid of many things. But you will become resilient. In fact, your strength will be a thing of beauty! To get there, you will have to look many nasty things straight in the face, to be sure. And you will need to gaze straight-on at your worst-case scenarios. But, as you do this the fear will fall away, for you see, the fear in your mind is far worse than anything out there.
Most of all, be honest with yourself and others. This will take some time, to live in such a way that you are not couching your life to augment any others. But you will get there, and you will be free. Be honest, grow in honesty, speak honestly, love honestly, make decisions out of the honesty of your heart, be in honesty.
For, I tell you a secret. God does not want your service, your perfection, your works, your success, your good deeds, your rightness … none of that. He wants to walk in relationship with you. He wants to respond to you as you walk in the honesty of your life before and alongside him. He wants to see life through our eyes! And he will do many amazing things in your heart and mind and spirit and life.
It boils down to this:
Remain in longing. Live out your heart and want many things, but do not seek to fulfill these yourself (this is where most things go wrong). Rather, long for beauty but let God bring it about in your life.
Desire deep relationships, but never micromanaging, and God will bring rich relationships in ways you cannot imagine.
Go after what you love, the things you enjoy, invest in your giftings from deep within but don’t try to make them spectacular. Simply live them out loud to the world and God will inhabit them; he brings the spectacular.
You are amazing. Take your time. Live each day as they come. Invest deeply of yourself, go after what makes you glad, keep on learning, you will do okay and you will be profoundly glad.